| I once read a fascinating, but all too realistic, story | | | | after the curtain was drawn, you saw something |
| about a woman who opened her closet door and | | | | much different? Whether the person is a |
| out tumbled various pieces of sporting equipment | | | | significant other or a female acquaintance isn't this |
| and memorabilia. | | | | image a little unsettling? |
| While these possessions represented the last | | | | I don't believe most women are trying to fool a |
| decade of her life, she didn't realize until putting | | | | mate with smoke and mirrors, but I do fear that |
| them all away that she felt no connection to | | | | many transform their lives to match their |
| anything in her closet. You see, this poor woman | | | | partner's because they don't yet know who they |
| had put aside her own interests for the hobbies | | | | are, what their likes and dislikes are, or how to |
| of a long line of significant others. Standing before | | | | measure their goals and values. |
| her newly straightened shelves, she recalled | | | | A staggering number of women in my divorce |
| relationships with Partner A in the water skis, | | | | workshops say, "I've given so much to my |
| Partner B in the bicycle helmet, and Partner C | | | | ex-husband and the family that I feel like I'm left |
| with a paintball gun. She asked herself, "How could | | | | with nothing. I couldn't even tell you my favorite |
| I have given up so much of myself so that | | | | color, or what I want for dinner." My heart |
| nothing in my closet reflects my own interests?" | | | | immediately goes out to these women because |
| My simple answer is that she had a desire to fit in | | | | years ago, their words were mine. |
| and be accepted. It's a pretty safe bet that if a | | | | Sometimes help comes from the most |
| woman wants to become her partner's ideal | | | | unexpected places. A few weeks ago, while |
| mate, she only needs to transform herself into | | | | preparing for an appearance on an Orlando news |
| that person. And it happens … again, and | | | | program, I had to confront my comfortable |
| again, and again. | | | | pattern of downplaying my strengths. In the |
| Still, we wonder, what does this cost her? And, is | | | | length of a short guest feature, I had to explain |
| it fair to her significant other? Maybe, most | | | | the ways I help women, and why I'm good at my |
| importantly, we need to recognize that following | | | | work. This moment was significant for me, and |
| this plan of action leads her to never finding a | | | | one I will remember every time I find myself |
| true ideal mate. | | | | wanting to go back to that old habit of not being |
| Like many of my coaching clients, I was raised | | | | true to myself. |
| with the unspoken messages of not asking for | | | | You can win in relationships and business by |
| too much, and not being too vocal about my | | | | authentically knowing and being who you are, |
| strengths. As a result, this upbringing and my | | | | using the skills you bring to the table, and having a |
| need to be accepted after my divorce found me | | | | level of comfort that allows for flexibility and |
| dating men who didn't require much from their | | | | change. |
| partner. At the same time, they didn't offer | | | | Women shortchange themselves by jumping into |
| much, either. | | | | relationships before taking the time to fully |
| If you were looking for your ideal partner today, | | | | discover and appreciate themselves. They don't |
| would you really be interested in someone whose | | | | stop to think about the characteristics they desire |
| only goal was to become your vision of a good | | | | in a partner. |
| mate? Would you want to spend time with | | | | Are you looking for your ideal relationship? |
| someone who presented himself one way, but | | | | |